I have traded my guilt for an eternal gift.

   This is a story about love, more specifically, this is a story about the love of Christ Jesus, and how he has truly changed my life. As a result of the divine manifestation of God’s love, through his son Jesus Christ, I stand before you feeling not guilty nor unworthy of such perfect love, rather, as a saved and newly dedicated person, who have recently come to know and understand the depth of God’s love.

   Jesus died for me, before I was thought of or conceived. He died for me, specifically, while generally dying for the world, in the same way, would he not have died for me even if I was the only person in the world?

   My thoughts do not surprise him. One of my most recent thoughts have been to walk away for my spiritual life because quite frankly, it had become quite a cliché. For quite a while now, I have been living on the edge of being saved and un saved, and one thing is for certain, with God, you’re either saved or unsaved. There’s no inbetween.

The instant in which I personalized the message of John 3 verse 16. It dawned on me that  Jesus really loves me and died for me and me alone.

How did I come to know that God actually died for me?

   I know for certain that I am a sinner, and a perfect and loving God would want nothing to do with me. I know what it is of which I’m capable and I know the things in which I have indulged, so in order for me to be reconciled to an all loving God, there has to be an ultimate sacrifice and a remission of some sort. This his how I came to believe that Jesus died for me.

   I remember thinking that it is just bizarre that any sane person would die for a stranger, in such a manner and justify it by love, and further, loves you so much, so much so that he doesn’t keep you on a leash, rather, gives you free will so that you can freely choose for yourself to love him and honor him and genuinely return that love.

  I know that it is real because Jesus Christ was crucified for my sins. Crucifixion, at its core is the height of shame and the depth of pain. I know that single act of being nailed to a cross and raised in mockery, suffered in agony and still, stayed thereon, to die for a wretch like me will surely suffice.

   Convicted at my very core,  I stated that this is more love that I could ever understand, yet alone repay. In fact, I specifically said that it is quite unfair of Jesus love me so much that I started became angered by such a notion. It is a gamble, I remarked because I just could not believe that anyone could love anyone so much. A perfect God, at that, loves mere old me. Yeah right! It had to be an oxymoron. I had a laugh at this notion, but only briefly, as it was a failed attempt to deny how realistic it quickly became to me. I knew this new-found love was real but I was reluctant to accepting it.

   Fear filled me as I became trapped in conviction and paranoid, Overwhelmed by doubts and uncertainties. How do you just accept this? I asked because I Just could not understand.

   I remember asking two of my friends, my pastor included. If they don not feel silly knowing that their notion of love is so much different from the love of Christ’s. I remember contrasting their love for their children and the love for their wives and asking them how can you even say you’re in love.

   After I discovered such abounding source of love, I simply couldn’t help but feel unworthy of it. I was reluctant to receive salvation because I didn’t think that I deserved it. At first, salvation was like a brick being handed to me to be swallowed, but now it’s a like stem if rose delicately handed to me. I also understands that when Christ cried; I thirst! He was simply pleading for me t ocome to him. —-To come and rest my weary physique into his arms of comfort.

   I understand that Jesus loves mere old me. He loves me so much, that he thought that I was worth dying for. If it were just me in this world, he would have still descended from heaven, and died for me, not only that, but he would have died in the same manner in which he did. Suffered in anguish, yet murmured not a single word. Head strong, he wore a crown of thorn for me. Stretched and torn, his hands were pierced, for me. His feet, pounded and bound by a third nail, as if that’s what was keeping him on the cross. It was my sins and his love for me.

   The love of christ is no longer a love I no understand. I have come to know the perfect love of Christ and I am now at peace.

    I remember thinking that it would be worth it to just die myself and not live here on earth. But now I understand the gospel to a new extent:  Christ died to rise, to live, so I didn’t have to die,  but rather, live only to live again.